EDITORIAL

View From A Broad
May 12, 2007

Tuna, Treats and Women's Needs:  The Alpha Mare Answer

An impossible task or ridiculous endeavor is often referred to as "like herding cats."

Domestic breeds of cats aren't herd animals:  in fact, there exists no specific word for a group of cats, such as gaggle, covey, flock, swarm, etc.  Solitary critters and predators, they're territorial and quite content to live a solitary life.  (FYI:  the tiger is the only big cat which lives a solitary existence, unlike every other breed of big cat.  Don't say we're not well-rounded here at Alpha Mare Media!)

If cats had opposable thumbs, they'd never bother with humans at all. 

So everyone knows that cats cannot be herded.

Or can they?

The visual images we have of a "herd" of cats are those TV ads showing hundreds of felines, streaming into a house, taking over the place and partying like it's 1999.   A single cat won't necessarily respond to "Here, Kitty!" if they don't want to.   If they address you at all, they toss you a look of utter disdain, perhaps outright mockery. 

They think it's funny that you're stupid enough to think that you can round them up with the familiar call. 

I'm definitely a cat lady, as opposed to being a dog lady, but, really—it's us against them.

Cats are savvy, and don't fall for conventional attempts to gather themselves into a group, to herd them.

And don't even try to take a cat for a walk on a leash.  Ever the optimistic, I tried for 13 years to take my late kitty, Kirwan the MagnifiCat, for a walk.  I'd harness up the boy, gleefully carry him outside—then take him out for a drag.   Amusing for me, annoying for the cat.

So we give up the concept of herding cats.  Can't be done.

Or can it?

A couple of years ago, I heard a feline expert say that of course you can herd cats.  You just don't do it from behind them.  Don't stand behind a group of cats, waving your arms around and urging, "C'mon, kitties, this way!  Go left!"

Tails waving in the air, they'll scatter like so many Autumn leaves.  They're not stupid, or insentient:   they're ignoring you.  Your arm-waving and frantic beseeching will be dismissed because they just don't care what you want.  (Every cat has a bit of Paris Hilton in them:  "It's all about meeeee!!")

BUT…if you stand in front of your intended audience and open a single can of tuna…Voila!  Instant cat herding!

It's a guarantee:  even if the group of cats measures in the hundreds—those cats will all run, en masse, toward you and the proffered treat.  

Herding cats, from a different perspective.

Horses, on the other hand, are herd animals.  Historically, their very existence depends on the herd for protection, group wisdom and foraging for food.  Horses are prey.

Horses can be herded, of course.  We all grew up with images of cowboys herding horses in the wild open spaces.  Even Thoroughbreds (a truly domesticated, "hot-house" breed)—are easily herded.  It's an equine instinct, regardless of breed, to travel, hang out and socialize together.  So horses, even our magnificent, kabillion-dollar Thoroughbreds, can easily be rounded up by the traditional, behind-and-side, herding methods.  Their instinct is to stay together, in case you're an entity of evil.

Unfortunately, this response occurs precisely because the horses have been approached from behind, and instinctual fear kicks in.  You may be the nicest woman on Earth, but their instinct tells them that you may be a predator.  So they run together toward your appointed destination because they're fearful, or at least apprehensive.

However.   Let's say that today you've successfully herded cats toward yourself, using that object of lust, the tuna can.  You're all a-flush with the glorious feeling of victory:  you did, after all, just beat 100 cats at their own snotty little game!

You decide to conquer the hearts and minds of another group of animals, so you drive out to the nearest Thoroughbred farm.

Standing at the fence of the first paddock, you crack open a big bag of peppermints.  I don't know about other breeds of horses, but our beautiful Thoroughbreds are nuts for peppermints.  The wrinkle of a single cellophane wrapper can induce a Thoroughbred to near-delirium.  They'll practically dance for you.  Their child-like glee is a precious thing to witness.

Unwrap one single peppermint—and watch the entire herd of horses in that paddock walk, run and trot toward you, en masse.  They may have been scattered throughout the paddock before you arrived, but the sound of that one wrapper, the promise of that delicious treat, will draw them to you like flies to honey.

Like…cats to tuna.

The lesson you learned that day is that, frankly, it's easier to herd a group of animals, whether predator or prey, by your offer of something good.  Cats don't respond to aggressive, "behind" herding.  Horses respond to this sort of herding, but they do so out of fear and apprehension.

And of course, everyone prefers the response of a being who joyously gathers 'round because they're excited about the possibilities.  "Forward-herding" instills trust and forges relationships.  "Back-herding," at best, frustrates (you) and amuses (cats); at worst, it frightens the bejeebers out of your intended audience (horses).

You see where I'm going with this.

Women, anthropologically- and culturally-speaking, have been treated as both predator ("Kiss of the Spider Woman," "Fatal Attraction") and prey (the ill-named "Attraction").  The truth, of course, lies in the fact that women don't want to be thought of as either. 

So it is with us women in racing. 

I don't know about you other women, but I resent anyone who tries to push me into something, whether that something is a corner, a commitment or a contract.  I'm savvy, bright and have a mind of my own.  I'm definitely a cat person.

I resent being spoken down-to, or in a condescending manner.  I hate being patted on the head.  And I surely will not give in to anyone who attempts to extract money, membership or mores by back-herding me. 

If you want something from me, front-herd me.  Speak to me with respect, and recognize that I have the final say in our dialogue.  I'm a human, a woman, an independent being who cannot be back-herded.

Professional women in Thoroughbred racing; those who want the opportunity to build a life in the sport; fans and potential fans all require front-herding.  I've heard of racetracks, desperate to build their fanbase, building malls in an attempt to get women to the track.  The misled thought here is that women will go with "their men" to the track campus, and head straight to, oh, my GOD, like, the mall!  This brand of ill thinking starts from the presumption that women are only interested in racetracks if we get to shop.

Back-herding.  The attempt to get us to do something we don't want to do, because it's not understood that we have our own ideas about race tracks and the sport.  We actually love the racing, itself—women at a race track are there for the horses and the drama--not to snag a bargain at Neiman's.  And we certainly don't just go along for the sake of the men in our lives, and therefore need "entertaining."

We at Alpha Mare Media understand the psychology of front-herding, because we've all been victims of botched attempts at back-herding at one time or another.

Hence our passion to build a strong community of women by correct community-building methods.  I know, as a woman, and as a woman in the sport, that you will join our nurturing, supportive family of potential friends and colleagues by giving you things that you need.    Networking opportunities; backstretch access; a place to voice your opinions and contribute your writing and artistic endeavors; the online store; our first-annual conference in 2008; and regional groups—are all means to the end of creating a strong community of women, gathered around the Alpha Mare Media brand. 

We aim to give you what you need ("tuna and peppermints"), rather than attempting to force you to do our will.

We believe in building community by means of drawing-toward, not chasing-from.

So my View from a Broad this week is that—having witnessed decades of frustrated cat-herder wannabees in racing, and knowing that that's never going to work—The Right Way to win over new female fans and nurture current fans and pros is to step up to the plate with something new and exciting.  Something that gives our intended audience—you—what you need and want.

Cats, horses and women all respond to enticement of the right bait:  Alpha Mare Media is the right bait.  Let the race tracks build their malls and mani/pedi salons.  We know that the fanbase will grow by leaps and bounds because our women—our Alpha Mares—were drawn by the promise of full play in the game; respect from their peers; fun, camaraderie and the nurturing of our tight-knit herd—drawn to the proverbial paddock fence by the friendly offer of womanly peppermints, enough to go around.